You Might Be A Band Nerd If
by GhostPhoenix
Summary: The topic is a little bit over-used, but still. Enjoy! Color guard specific chapter might be added later.
1. 100 Reasons

You Might Be A Band Nerd If… 

1. All your allowance goes toward equipment, music, and reeds/valve oil, etc..

2. You've been hit with flags, rifles, and instruments more times than you can count.

3. Over eighty percent of your friends, including your boy/girlfriend, are in band.

4. Band is the topic of most of your conversations.

5. The only other topics are Anime, Manga and video games.

6. You sing/tap/sizzle rhythms and song you play in band while you're in the middle of algebra, annoying the kids around you who aren't in band, while the kids who are join in, each singing their respective parts. The teacher either doesn't seem to notice, or looks up and says, "Excuse me?"

7. The school parking lot is more than just a place for you to park your car.

8. Your senior year is the one thing in life you could go without.

9. In gym, instead of walking/jogging/running, you roll-step or jazz-run.

10. In your free time, you do your step-outs and sing your marching band show.

11. You do said rule (listed above) two months after the marching season is over.

12. Your number one goal in life is to be in Wind Ensemble.

13. Your number two goal in life is to get your band letterman's jacket.

14. You love band so much, you decide to go into music just so you don't have to give up band.

15. The main function of your computer is recording yourself for a playing test, looking up sheet music, creating sheet music, and making a list of all the things that might make you a band nerd.

16. You actually enjoy standing at attention non-stop for two hours.

17. You know your entire show by heart, right down to the names and inversions of the chords in the low brass.

18. You actually know what I said in the rule above.

19. Your weekends consist of sitting in your room with sheet music.

20. You have a pirate face for when you screw up. (Haha. Katie… It's so funny to look at!)

21. Your director questions you on your pirate face, and your reaction is. "Crap! Not again!" (Yet again, Katie.)

22. Your favorite artists are "Two Steps From Hell", "The London Philharmonic Orchestra", or musical groups like them.

23. Orchestra music comes on, and you and your friends stare at each other, trying to figure out what instruments are playing what parts.

24. You play video games and watch TV shows and such for the music it plays at the dramatic parts.

25. The seniors are more influential on your life than your parents.

26. Your most frequent "hang-out-spot" is the school's parking lot. Even more so than your own home.

27. You consider marching band to be a sport.

28. You slap anyone who doesn't agree with the rule above.

29. You've learned to be vigorously active for hours at a time, with very few water breaks. It's almost as if it's stored elsewhere in your body. …Like a camel.

30. The highlight of your summer isn't your vacation to Disney World.

31. You cry on the bus after state. Not because you didn't win, but because the season is over.

32. You hate anyone and everyone in low brass.

33. You can describe, in great detail, what every band season is, and what exactly happens.

34. Marching season is your favorite.

35. Pep band is your second favorite.

36. Your favorite songs are Sweet Caroline, 25 or 6 to 4, Eye of the Tiger, Apache, and Louie Louie, just because you played them in pep band.

37. During pep band you scream and flail in the bleachers every time the other team makes a basket.

38. Every time anyone says anything that sounds perverted, you say "That's what she said."

39. You belong to a group online called "Those Band Kids."

40. Your username for everything is "ChillinInTehBandR00m."

41. You spend your time on Fan Fiction, browsing the Marching Band section.

42. Messing up at competition, in your eyes, in punishable by death via being thrown in the tiger pit at the zoo.

43. If you survive said punishment above, you'll be thrown in with the lions.

44. You can play more than one instrument fluently.

45. Your favorite quote is, "If you're not blowing, you're sucking."

46. You own a T-shirt that says, "If you're not blowing, you're sucking."

47. When your band director hands out new music and asks when it should be learned, the whole band replies "yesterday" in monotone unison.

48. You've played several pieces from popular movies and TV shows.

49. You were innocent-minded before you started marching band.

50. You always brush your teeth before playing your horn.

51. You carry a toothbrush so you can brush your teeth before you go to band class, for fear of damaging your horn.

52. You've learned how to say "marching band" in seven languages, including Spanish and Japanese.

53. You've learned how to say "I march" as well.

54. You look forward to after practice, because you know one of the seniors is gonna have a pool party.

55. You hate when the seniors leave.

56. You got such an intense tan during the marching season, it lasts until the next marching season starts.

57. Your tan is a farmer's tan.

58. You identify a move in the drill as "The Health Class" because it looks like a uterus and ovaries.

59. You scream louder than the winning band when you get 69 points.

60. You dress to, and fall into step with the people you walk with in the hallways at school.

61. Your summer vacation is the marching band trip to perform in some other state.

62. July (The month off from marching band) is spent practicing and conditioning for when marching band starts back up.

63. Your non-band friends understand what you're talking about when you talk about band because you talk about it so much.

64. You knew that a marching band uniform is neither cool enough nor warm enough.

65. Every time you show your friends your scars, you explain "And this one is from when I got smacked with the rifle, when that guard member missed her toss."

66. If someone's in band, they're alright.

67. People describe you as a "munchkin" when you wear your uniform.

68. Everyone in the hallway is really loud, so you yell "BAND TEN HUT!" and the other bandies reply with "PRIDE!" and everyone who's not in band stops and stares, but no one who's at attention cares.

69. You laughed when you go to this one.

70. Your band director threatens to become a parade band, and everyone falls silent.

71. You play Marching Band Bingo in sections during the Week of Hell.

72. The Week of Hell is your favorite part of the summer.

73. Your band director doesn't go by Mr./Mrs./Ms.. It's always by just their last name.

74. You've been smacked in the face with a plume.

75. All the red-heads are known as either Red or Ginger, depending on gender.

76. One of your competitions was the day of Homecoming.

77. Letters after G don't matter.

78. You just got a knew alto (Because you're the oboe) and you accidentally leave your case in the mix of half the band's, and because it's new, you have no idea what the case frickin' looks like.

79. During the Pep Band season, you have moves that the entire band does on certain counts.

80. One of them is doing the dance to Apache.

81. You make fun of the middle school director for being shorter than eighty-five percent of his students.

82. In the rule above, you compare his height to that of Yoda.

83. One of your seniors will not eat ham, turkey, or red M&M's, because he claims they cause cancer.

84. You don't identify people by saying, "She has brown hair, blue eyes, is about this tall…" Instead, they're identified by, "She stands about eight steps in front of the hash on the fifty yard line in set eighteen of the Opener."

85. The cheerleaders only like you because you play the school song for them at sports events.

86. Your goal is to learn how to play at least ten instruments.

87. You get pissed when you move at a dress.

88. When your section leaders voice gives out, it gets really high pitched.

89. Due to #88, you call her Twitchy.

90. When you make fun of half the altos, just for being altos.

91. Most of the reason you march is so you can do good for the seniors.

92. You wanna be a band director when you grow up, so you never have to leave the band environment.

93. Sceaming at the top of your lungs on the band bus, "Where the hell are my pants?" isn't considered abnormal in the slightest.

94. You think the low brass players are more annoying than the preps.

95. You never hold another bandy's trombone, for fear of them saying, "thanks for holding myy boner" when they take it back.

96. You watch little kid's cartoons so you can listen to what kinda instruments are involved in their orchestra.

97. You contemplate how much the people in that orchestra hate their job.

98. You spend free time teaching yourself how to play songs such as, "Harry Potter", "Blue's Clues", Legend of Zelda music, etc..

99. You learn sentences in Spanish one like, "Marcho en la banda de Atlantis" or "Escucho musica" or "Me gusta practicar musica".

100. You meet people online because their profile says that they play the same instrument as you.


	2. 200 Reasons

101. Before your band performs at halftime, you form a random circle with your friends and you all play your parts for the marching show, starting with the Opener.

102. When doing #101, you get half the band to join in.

103. When at home, you wonder why there are no clothes in your closet. …Then you clean your band locker out.

104. You go into the kitchen in the band room to buy your lunch. (The kitchen is just a back room that has a refrigerator, a coffee machine, snack foods, and instrument repair stuff.)

105. You are considering missing your uncle's wedding because you don't know whether you have band that day or not.

106. You refer to your band calendar before scheduling anything.

107. You celebrate when the alto and oboe sections are actually in tune.

108. You have a 'crunch party' with the entire band because your band director recommended it. (One hundred crunches per set. We did two hundred crunches in total. We do five different types, which means twenty of each per set.)

109. You recommend that once you're done with your 'crunch party' everyone gets to eat a Crunch Bar.

110. Your iPod is your metronome and you have a ten dollar tuner app.

111. You slap your friend for not marching.

112. You keep bitching at your friend to march.

113. Quitting is never an option.

114. You'll gladly give up a week at Disney World to march.

115. You mark time in your sleep.

116. The choir kids merely stare in disbelief.

117. You're not afraid to make a fool of yourself.

118. Everyone thinks you're lesbian/gay.

119. On the first day of marching outside, you have a nosebleed from marching so hard.

120. You lock yourself in your band locker with your friends.

121. You play the dart game.

122. You take parcour lessons from fellow bandies.

123. Normal people don't get you, but hey. You don't quite get them either.

124. Screw PE. I have band.

125. While listening to music, you march in time with it.

126. All your school projects incorperate band in some way.

127. After a football game, the drumline plays the parade music that keeps the band marching in time.

128. No one ever marches in time during a parade.

129. You have to sprint halfway across the school to make it to band on time.

130. When you're sick, you refuse to go home until after band.

131. Most of your electives are music related.

132. Your backwards march is somehow better than your forward march.

133. During a competition, you use your bra as a pocket to fit your phone, iPod, and three other peoples' phones. (And they all fit perfectly)

134. Above the band door is a sign that says "Gotta have more cowbell!" And it has a picture of a guy holding up a cowbell.

135. You try to explain to your friend how to read drill.

136. You cried when you broke your very first reed.

137. You broke a reed clear in half by over playing it. (Way to go, Amber! Woohoo!)

138. The oboe section is always the one that was forgotten when tuning.

139. We had to remind the band director that we still had to tune.

140. When making a diagram of who's flat and sharp in the band, the band director makes a really long line in the middle of the board, then makes really small lines above and beneath it, then makes a line at the very top of the board for piccollo, and a line all the way at the bottom for oboes.

141. The oboes just smile and sit back in their seats and the above, while the band director continues as if he didn't do it.

142. The one Korean person in band with you knows this epic back walking thing, and she does it to about ten people a practice.

143. Choir kids are… Insane?

144. Band bus trips are insane.

145. Every subject but band doesn't matter.

146. You are failing every subject except band.

147. You randomly perform a search of "marching band" on YouTube.

148. You know that the solution to having two piccollo players play in tune is not to shoot one, but to shoot both.

149. You someone in band getting bullied, and you stand up for them just because they're in band.

150. You join the debate team so you can argue that marching band is a sport.

151. Your skin reminds you of neopolatin ice cream. (Burnt on one shoulder, tan in the middle, and white on the other shoulder.

152. You play/suck on your reed/mouthpice while walking down the hallway.

153. For said thing listed above, when people give you weird looks, you just smile and proceed to deep throating it.

154. You think you look sexy with a bun on the top middle of your head.

155. You're short, so you hate being the one people dress to because you can never hit your spot when marching backwards.

156. You have to bite back the retorts when your parents tell your friends' parents that marching band is a totally innocent activity.

157. You loose your band director.

158. You've gotten written up for PDA on a band bus trip.

159. You partake in pulling pranks on your band director and seniors.

160. Someone starts clapping and you jump nearly ten feet in the air.

161. Saying "band" is always an excuse to be late to class.

162. You have competitions to see how many people you can shove in a band locker at once. (Record is eight for a tuba locker.)

163. At competition, one of the trumpets misses his spot and rams into a tuba.

164. You've seen a tuba get launched across the school's parking lot.

165. People drive by the parking lot while you're practicing and scream/honk/throw stuff at the band.

166. One of said people gets flipped off.

167. The person who flipped said person off, earns himself five laps around the parking lot.

168. You've fallen while marching.

169. After said fall, you get up and yell, "That was fun! I wanna do it again!"

170. Another one of your dreams is to own a Cannonball brand of saxophone.

171. You flip out when you see a Cannonball baritone sax.

172. When you see the sax, you start telling the dude how much you love it.

173. You know he's a band nerd because he gets a little cocky.

174. You wanna kill one of your tuba players for being cocky.

175. You swear that if he ever becomes section leader, you'll kill 'im.

176. Your band director yells, "Take no prisoners!" and the entire band's response is "RAAAAAHHHH!"

177. Your band director and his wife spend their anniversary with the band.

178. Your band locker should be quarantined because of all the questionable items found in it.

179. You have to clean said locker about once a week during the marching season, and once a month in the other seasons.

180. You spend more time at school for band than you do during the school day.

181. You consider every marching season its own adventure.

182. Your band director tells one of the trombones that if he can't hold his horn up, he'll be marching flute, and his response is, "You gimme a flute, and I'll kick your ass."

183. At the band banquet, when one of your really good friends gets an award, you and her family scream "WE LOVE YOU!" while everyone else claps.

184. In the middle of band class, when trying to come up with a name for the three pieces of your marching show, the entire class starts throwing out names of Pokemon instead.

185. You call everyone a "derp".

186. There is (or was) a war going on between the brass and woodwind groups.

187. At the beginning of the Opener, you almost got run over by a rouge baritone. (Scared the living crap outta me!)

188. You actually get involved your freshmen year, and help design this year's show-shirt.

189. Your entire band can play the Oompa Loopma thing.

190. They also know how to play the Epic Sax.

191. In the parking lot, you request getting into a random block so you can practice dressing.

192. Your section leader yells at your section to dress so much that when your mom yells at you to get dressed (as in change your clothes), you groan.

193. The above gets you slapped.

194. The band is often asked to assist in running community functions.

195. You fear Senior Night, and you get choked up just thinking about it.

196. Your cell phone's main use is texting people to find out when band is.

197. When you see graduated bandies in public, you run up to them and give them a huge hug! (:

198. While at a football game for marching band, someone on the other team (the Trojans) gets hurt, and one of your bandies yells, "We have a broken Trojan!"

199. At pep band your band director yells, "We're bringing the 'boing boing' back!" and it's not dirty.

200. The response to the above is when the other team has the ball and every time they dribble it and it hit's the ground, you yell "BOING!" and every time they throw it, you yell "WOOSH!"


End file.
